Let's talk about five primary emotions: joy, fear, anger, sadness, shame, and disgust – feeling all of them is important, especially with your partner. Emotions are the language of the body. They say, "pay attention, something's happening!" But so often we don't pay attention, choosing, consciously or unconsciously, to disconnect...
We may have been raised in homes where anger was expressed in an unhealthy way, joy covered by a wet blanket, or shame used to control and manipulate our behavior. Regardless of how our childhoods taught us to relate to emotions, we can rewrite the script by creating healthy emotional attachments and responses.
While there are many tools we can use to do that, in this episode we're going to talk about co-regulation and co-creation ("CoCo.") And learn how to share and navigate emotions together.
If your loved one is excited, you match their excitement. If your loved one is angry, you honor their anger. Co-regulation is not co-dependency. Co-regulation does not say, "I feel happy only if you're happy." It says, "You feel happy, and I'm happy for you." Co-regulation allows the witness to be there for their partner while also honoring their own emotions.
Most of the time, people don't understand the emotion they're in, and they need someone to support them in a curious and non-judgemental way. Co-creation allows partners to act as witnesses for each other. By asking questions and being present, the witness can help the emoter explore and deepen their understanding of their feelings.
Listen to learn how to apply 'CoCo' to your relationship and create positive shifts in your emotional and sexual cycles!
Let's use the 3 road analogy to discuss the sexual and emotional cycles: the High, Middle, and Low Roads. Research highlights the importance of navigating all three roads for relationship success. The question is, how do we navigate them?
We’re putting all the pieces together in an exercise that will challenge your relationship and open the door to communication.
Balancing the High, Middle, and Low Roads within your relationship will require a conversation that isn’t for the faint of heart. In your relationship, attempting such a pointed conversation will probably come naturally if you are the Emotional Pursuer.
If you’re a Withdrawer, channel your inner Simon Cowell while expressing what you need to feel safe within the conversation. After all, clarity is kindness.
Listen to hear our 5 exercises that will engage you and your partner, and explore how each of you show up in the relationship!
EFT (or Emotionally Focused Therapy) walks couples through a de-escalation process, but what sets EFT apart is Stage Two. The second stage of EFT focuses not on “what’s wrong” but on making things right in the relationship.
Laurie and George celebrate as Laurie becomes certified in EFT and both thank Dr. Sue Johnson for the amazing gift of this therapy model!
In sex therapy, we discuss emotional patterns, but we also understand the interdependency between sex and emotions. One isn’t more important than the other, and when leveraging patterns to create lasting change, the sexual cycle can’t be ignored.
When the sexual pursuer learns to communicate from a place of vulnerability, the withdrawer feels a release of pressure that allows them to draw closer to the pursuer, which is ultimately what they both want...
In stage two, couples learn to replace the negative cycle with a positive cycle. They create “new moves.” The “new move” script in this episode is about compassionately sharing and accepting each other’s needs. By integrating these new moves into your relationship through better communication, you can continue to grow in sex and love…
Listen as Laurie & George talk you through a success script for addressing the sexual/emotional cycles in your relationship!
How do you initiate in the bedroom? ;) George and Laurie explore (and joke!) about 5 different initiator styles: Seduction, Touch, Emotional Connection, Sex Talk and Power Play.
Which way do you like it best? Which way does your partner like it best? Does seduction begin with the way you drink your coffee in the morning like it does with Laurie? Are you missing each other because of a style difference?