Let's talk about “killjoy” – the negative cycle that squashes the love life is so many millions of couples out there and how we can name it, notice it and do it differently. Sexual discrepancies are the most common thing we're going to see over 80% of couples are going to find themselves in a dynamic where one wants more than one wants less. In his marriage, George calls the negative cycle “California" and Laurie calls it “Drowning” with her swimmer husband. But there's something really fun about naming the negative cycle, the merry-go-round Groundhog Day, whatever word you want to come up with. The beautiful thing about doing this is it starts to externalize the problem. The problem isn't Joe. The problem isn't Mary. The problem is the dynamics that they've unconsciously created in this attempt to be with each other. George and Laurie role play a new way of communicating in “killjoy”!
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Is the orgasm gap fair? Laurie and George don't think so. But it's so natural to feel criticized when your partner tries to tell you what they need; how can we get excited about feedback to change this problem? How often do normal couples have bad sex? George suggests often enough that it's coming for you! (you gotta expect it!) But if you strike out... get back in the game. Do men who worry about their penis size even know what's normal? How big is big enough? What's so special about sex in Finland - what are they getting right for women? We got the stats!
Why do YOU want to have sex? George and I talk about the 5 most frequent motives to get it on! Pleasure, Intimacy, Approval, Coping and Procreation. Each motive can be used in sexually healthy relationship as sex serves many purposes for a couple. Sometimes though some motives fail, like when pleasure is never accompanied by intimacy or when the anxious need from approval doesn't develop into pleasure.
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Welcome Dr. Emily Nagoski, PhD, fellow podcaster and award-winning author of the New York Times bestseller, Come As You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life.
Dr.Nagoski's mission is to help us live with confidence and joy in our bodies! Together, Emily, George and Laurie want to help people have a healthy view of sex and challenge people's assumptions about what they believe and where they get stuck. We all see EFT as a way to help couples deal with the difficult feelings around sex where we often are anxious about hurting our partner's feelings or fearful of being found sexually inadequate.
To help us understand desire, Emily tells us about where to find our brakes (all the good reasons not to be turned on... potential threats) and accelerators (everything we think, believe, imagine & touch, taste, smell, hear that has sexual connotations.) Fun topics in this podcast: look at your genitals! (if you want to make friends.) She and George talk about the complicated relationship men have with their penises. Nagoski uses a hedgehog visualization to gracefully accept our feelings around sex. Ever wonder why your body may be turned on but you really don’t want sex? Emily shares the concept of non-concordant sex – when our body’s arousal and subjective sexual feelings don’t align.
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book - Come As You Are