Knowing that their withdrawal triggers their partner, what can someone who feels attacked or criticized do - other than walking away? Wrestling with themselves and naming their feelings, gives them a moment to feel instead of shutting it down. Recognizing what happens in their body makes some room and space for the withdrawer distress. And becoming curious about their pursuing partners criticism and anger helps them reconnect emotionally.
Men want an engaged partner and frequently ask for communication in bed. Yet, how can a women ask for what she wants without sending the message that she is critical and unhappy? Laurie and George discuss how a woman can offer sex tips so her guy can really be the best in bed for her especially if he is a sexual withdrawer.
Pursuers have beautiful motives to push toward their partners - wanting more connection, more intimacy and more sex. But they often feel rejected and are told they are too much which escalates the cycle.
Learn two things that help the pursuer calm down. 1) Remind yourself that you have good intentions to create change. 2) Use an image of someone who made you feel safe - a therapist, parent, grandparent or even of yourself comforting a younger version of yourself. See how taking a wider lens including both peoples vulnerabilities can stop the pursuer-distance cycle.
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Dedicated to Dr. Jeanne Yorke.
It's so hard to ask for what I want in bed or how to answer what do you want me to do to you sexually. Why? George says we either want to protect our partner from something hurtful and we're avoiding what we feel. But without talking about it, we shortcut that delicious exploration, even the missing spots and getting redirected - that is part of the magic of excitement. Our 4 questions are open-ended and hopefully spark real conversation between you and your lover - even if you've been doin' it forever.
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Mailbag! - A 49 year-old virgin wonders if it too late for love or if she has lost her mojo. George and Laurie discuss having hard conversations about racism and sex including a listener's feedback. A woman having trouble with physical intimacy after her husband's emotional infidelity.