Sex podcast to help couples keep it hot! We have hope that long-term marriage and partnership can be both emotionally close and sexually erotic. Certified sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller discuss everything from best sexual techniques and solving sexual problems, to building the emotional intimacy necessary for great sex in your relationship! Two therapists bring you sound, concrete tools to reframe your relationship problems and heal with the use of attachment theory. Subscribe to us today!
Do women want anal sex? Do they orgasm with anal sex? Do men find it more exciting than vaginal sex? Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychotherapist Dr. Adam Mathews take on this trendy subject with honest answers to your questions.
Dear Laurie and Adam,
I enjoy your podcasts immensely but I do have some issues with what I consider to be feminist/institutional bias.
Specifically, it feels like the traditional 'fear of male sexuality' that religion used to perpetuate.
In your porn podcast, the starting point is always the unreasonability of male desire. That what porn does is CREATE those unreasonable desires. Most recent work I have seen is that these desires - for example orgies or group sex - is very much part of the male brain - men dream of orgies, even in porn less cultures.
In fact primitive societies seem to have sublimated the male sex drive - the violence that comes with too much testosterone perhaps.
Even during early civilisation one thinks about the Roman orgy, the sheer number of brothels in Pompei and a rational person must conclude that male interest in sex is an incredibly powerful force - perhaps the most powerful force in human history.
Most recent studies I have seen, seem to indicate porn reflects inner desires rather than creates them.
I feel like you don't want acknowledge this incredible force, or you want to dilute it for fear of hurting women in particular.
To me, one of the major problems of use in porn in relationships is that women are just hugely ignorant of the power of the male sex drive.
The only women who understand it are prostitutes!
A lot of what you say seems to be that the male has to nuance and tailor what he does and even what he says when approaching a conversation about sex with his partner.
At what point should a woman start to become more aware herself about the powerful hold sex has on a man's mind? Surely there should be a much greater emphasis to encourage women to understand us?
Looking at it from a male POV we have the romance stuff pumped down us like a perpetual feminist drip feed: if you want sex make sure to create the atmosphere - have all that housework done; get the lighting right; make that surprise dinner; pay her unending compliments; and throw the rose petals on her bed my friend!
But if the man were to suggest some ideas from porn, say a threesome (of both sorts) we then get into discussions about female self esteem and unrealistic male expectations. I.e. there's something wrong with men.
Your podcast on anal sex was along these lines in particular. Personally I was surprised that neither of you had heard from any man, just how pleasurable anal sex is. It isn't all about taboos. It feels absolutely incredible - there are more muscles there to start with and the tightness is sublime during orgasm. The friends I know all agree on this. Do you not mention it because again the idea that men may prefer an anus to a vagina is just too harsh for your average girl to hear?
If I take this from another angle, should women understand better the importance of sex and technique to her partner: the best vaginal sex I ever had was from a Thai girl. This girl could literally use her kegel muscles in every which way to produce unique sensations that I have only ever felt having anal with other women.
An unbiased discussion should have had at least some mention of women 'putting some work in' to prepare themselves physically to meet at least a third of what their men want.
Most of what you have to say is about 'talking it out' and in some way that will sublimate part of the male pathology.
It doesn't. Many men will simply pay a woman to do what their partner won't even countenance. Or find an affair partner who will too.
In the final analysis, I understand the need for give and take. Yet at the same time your average western woman has been culturally prepped for take.
Let's put it this way, if she truly understood what sex means to men, she'd be juggling those kegel balls at least once a week, and at least hoping to provide her partner an amazing experience weekly, as quid pro quo for his often higher libido.
In short, occasionally to think like a prostitute and not so much a long term partner.